First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
