so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize