it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
