he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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