Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
