I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
