Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
