The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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