I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize