it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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