I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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