I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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