i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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