Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize