goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
