I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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