Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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