U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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