She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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