That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You have to summon your inner elephant
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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