if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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