Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
