I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
