Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I'm really busy with my period
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