Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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