i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
