He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize