you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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