i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
