i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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