brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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