if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
