i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
farters have to be the big spoon...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
