so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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