Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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