I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
