OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
40s are totally the cure
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
