I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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