He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
