so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
