i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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