would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize