You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
