my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
