Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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