I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize