I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
