but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
