I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
