walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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