My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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