Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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