Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
