By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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