right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ttyl tear gas
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
