He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
