i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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