Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
