from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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