I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
