Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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