Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
