I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
