My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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