Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
