he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
