the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
