Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
